Russia

[The video clicks on to (as usual) Russia smiling. He's not even trying to hide the crazy. In fact, it's even accompanied by an evil chuckle WHAT IS THIS MADNESS.]

I expect you think draining all of my vodka would weaken me, don't you, America? I must admit, it's a bold attack so soon after your declaration of war! But I doubt you suspected that I would have the ultimate weapon...

Geese.

[The camera swivels to... a flock of Russian geese. Now, don't laugh just yet, these fuckers are meaner then Canadian geese. They chase wolves. Behold the most badass geese on earth. Their badassery is now amplified by the fact that they have little bombs attached to them. They have nuclear hazard signs on the side of them, but it looks like they're drawn on with crayon so they're probably just REGULAR bombs (so much better, right?)]

It was good to be your ally once upon a time, America, but I'm afraid you may be beyond the redemption communism can offer you. If you wish to fight, very well then. I know how fond you are of the idea of flight, so I was kind enough to destroy you with what you love! You are welcome.

And now, it is time to bid you good bye, America.

[Russia laughs and evil laugh. It's like some terrible mix between something Dr. Horrible would concoct and the Wicked Witch of the West. He raises his arms and laughs harder. The geese squawk, begin to flap their wings...

...and they can't get off the ground very easily. The bombs have made them too heavy. They waddle in the general direction of America's room, some of them getting a few feet off the ground before falling back to earth. Russia stops laughing, blinks, and picks one up.]

Ah, they must need a more powerful launch.

[The feed turns off with RUSSIA THROWING A HISSING, ANGRY GOOSE WITH A BOMB ATTACHED TO IT AT AMERICA'S WINDOW. It doesn't quite make it all the way and hits the side of the mansion. Looks like they'll have to take the stairs.]