Russia

[I WILL CROTCH PUNCH YOU ALL.

I AM A BEAUTIFUL ANIMAL, I AM A DESTROYER OF WORLDS. AND WHO SAID I WANTED THE BEATLES ANYWAY? ~~It's not as though I'm hiding multiple illicit copies from my government noooooo. IT MIGHT BE A CULTURAL WAVE BUT THE YOUTH OF SOVIET RUSSIA DEMANDS ITS ENGLISH MUSIC.~~

Oh no no no, wee petite babby. Russia grabs America by the wrist and rolls over on his back, simultaneously trying to crush America and wiggle over him at the same time. He ends up kinda sideways on-and-off of America and HEY IS HE ACCIDENTALLY ELBOWING YOU IN THE EYE?]

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[NO ATTACKING FLORIDA. EVER. STAY AWAY FROM IT. ~~YOU ALREADY VIOLATED IT ONCE~~

GOOD BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM ANYWAY. GTFO OF MY POPULAR MUSIC. I DON'T CARE IF THIS ISN'T THE 60S ANYMORE, BEATLES ROCK BAND EXISTS FOR A REASON.

Oh no. America is not a babby anymore. He is an IMMENSE SUPER POWER. And ow why is Russia like a zillion pounds fml. There might be heroic grabbing and pulling at the scarf, and Texas is there so he gets elbowed in the face.

So Russia gets his hair pulled.

Obviously, this is describing like 90 percent of what the Cold War actually was, so yes.]

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[I WILL BLOW UP DISNEY WORLD. ~~WE AGREED TO NEVER SPEAK OF THAT.~~

TOO BAD I JUST STEAL ALL OF YOUR MUSIC AND CULTURAL TRENDS AS SOON AS THE 90'S HIT HAHAHAHAHAHA.

If by "immense super power" you mean "delusional little boy who thinks he is the leader of the world", then yes.

Oh. You. Did. Not. Just touch the scarf. No one touches the scarf. Russia immediately spins around (yanking out a few of his hairs along the way, fuck his life), trying to crawl over America, knee him in the crotch, and punch him in the cowlick at the same time.

Yes. Punch his cowlick. You heard me.]

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[YOU WILL NOT KILL MICKEY MOUSE YOU STUPID COMMIE. ~~IT STILL HAUNTS MY NIGHTMARES~~

HEY RUSSIA, WHAT'S IT FEEL LIKE TO STAND ON THE MOON? HAHAHAHAHAHA

No, I meant "immense super power" because shut up. I am a god.

Yes, I touched your commie scarf. Because you're a douche bag, Russia. AND YOU DON'T FUCK WITH NANTUCKET. EVER. ~~It isn't a cowlick wtf is wrong with you~~

Obviously America is gripping your stupid ~~Walmart~~ communist sweat shop clothing to use his Hulk like strength to flip him over. And elbow him in the pancreas. Only he can crawl over you, dammit.]

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[A wild Korea appears! After wandering around aimlessly because, DEAR GAWD BOREDOM. WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO SOAP OPERAS? /sooooooob, he heard sirens and went to investigate!

And after seeing a whir of fabric swoosh by him, he decided to investigate! Thus he followed Russia ~~to certain doom~~ not knowing what was awaiting him.

HEY GAIZ, CAN YOU LIKE...NOT HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF ME? Cause I don't have anything to make a better comic than Japan-형 with me right now!!!]

Hey America! What's up?

From:

[RUSSIA WILL ASSIMILATE THE GOOF TROOP INTO SOVIET SOCIETY. ALSO, I'LL TAKE UNIVERSAL WHILE I'M THERE. I'M TAKING SEUSSLAND TOO.

AND YOU CAN ONLY SAY THAT NOW, AMERICA, BUT SOON I WILL BE THE ONE LAUGHING. FIRST ON MARS, MOTHERFUCKER.

He totally doesn't even acknowledge Korea. He's a little too busy trying to get ahead of America by locking his legs around the other's midsection so he can't get up and pulling himself down the staircase. Backwards. Or trying to. He hits his head on one of the stairs and has some trouble after that. Russia uses one hand to grip the stairs while the other pulls at America's hair. You capitalist fucker.

Also America your hair is a disaster, get that shit fixed.]

From:

[NO YOU WON'T. GOOFY IS NOT A PINKO. NEITHER IS DR. SEUSS. YOU WILL NOT TARNISH HIS MEMORY IN THAT MANNER.

AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LAUGH. COMMUNISTS HAVE NO SOULS. SOMEHOW THIS CORRELATES.

He glances up at Korea to say something but gets legs locked around him and what the hell, I thought we decided that Hungary wasn't here so there wouldn't be any gay. Oh I almost forgot, this is Hetalia we're talking about. He might be trying to climb up on/over Russia, maybe strangle him with the scarf in one hand. And try to force Russia's head into the stairs with the other. Or something. You will not use me to make 4chan fangirls spaz out. You communist douche bag.

And your face is a disaster. At least I can fix my hair.]

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[He blinks, then laughs.]

Well. You guys look busy. Guess I'll catch you later!

[Totally walks by them to the door.]

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[oh wait. what's this? is that a Kurt? Already in front of the group of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Nations?

How did he get there? The world may never know. It's like that deal with the tootsie pop.]

I'm just going to stop questioning how I'm not dead.

[Oh well, time to open the doors. Logic from earlier says that the doors being there means it's safe to open them, right?]

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[THE CAT IN THE HAT WILL BE ONE WITH RUSSIA.

Russia was attempting to punch the Midwest into oblivion when he catches sight of freaking Korea heading towards Mars.

Oh. Fuck. No.

His efforts double to throw America off of him, shoving and kicking and HOLY SHIT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO WEIGH SO MUCH, AMERICA?! And then Kurt is there. At the prospect of him being the first one on Mars, Russia dons the scary voice.]

Take one more step, little American, and I make sure you will never walk again.

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[HOLY SHIT WHAT

Kurt, by the way, is speechless. Just...this face.]

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[Oblivious Korea is oblivious and pokes his head outside.]

Hey it's red out here!

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From:

[NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. MAKE UP YOUR OWN CHARACTERS. STAY AWAY FROM MINE. OR I'M TAKING BACK MY NUKES FROM POLAND AND SENDING THEM AT YOU.

Have an elbow to your face, Russia. And a knee to Primorsky. He's still got that scarf in his hand, so yeah, not really going far without your head coming along too.

He's wrestling with Russia like a boss.]

Touch him and I will end you!

[WAIT WHAT. WHY IS KOREA GOING OUTSIDE FIRST. YOU ASSHOLE. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW I HELPED YOU IN THAT WAR. HE MIGHT BE DISTRACTED IN HIS FIT OF RAGE.]

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[JUST TRY AND STOP ME I'LL TAKE THE GODDAMN HULK COASTER AND USE IT FOR EVIL PURPOSES. WHAT ABOUT THAT NUCLEAR DISARMAMENT DEAL?

Primorsky why. One hand flies to cradle his poor abused vital regions, the other still hitting America in the everything like no tomorrow. HOW ARE THOSE BROKEN RIBS, BY THE WAY?

Ow speaking of which this makes his leg hurt. Fuck his life. Scary voice is gone for now but don't think he didn't just shoot one of his scary faces at Kurt. Because he totally did. Also at Korea. Scary face is then turned to America.]

What will you do? Shoot my heart again?

[OH GOD KOREA DON'T LOOK OUTSIDE GO AWAY.]

Not one more step for you either, Korea.

Edited Date: 2009-12-12 08:11 am (UTC)

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[He totally didn't even hear Russia over the sound of the door opening. Cue the 2001 Space Odyssey theme. Only not as dramatic, because Korea just walks outside and...that's pretty much it.]

Hah! I beat out Japan-형! Aniki would be proud! ♥

[He shrugs then comes back to report to America, flopping his sleeves as he emphasizes his point.]

Hey America, there's really nothing out there! It's just red. Kinda disappointing.

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[DON'T TAKE THAT THAT COASTER IS COOL. TAKE THE DARK KNIGHT INSTEAD. SERIOUSLY. IT'S A LAME COASTER. VERY APPROPRIATE FOR A LAME SYSTEM.

GOOD THING RAVEN HEALED UP MOST OF THE MORE SEVERE INJURIES otherwise Russia might have an advantage here. Shoving your face into the ground kthx DO NOT LOOK AT ME IN SUCH A MANNER. There is flailing limbs as he claws at the ground trying to get leverage.]

What's the point? Now that I know it doesn't hurt you, next time I'll just aim for your face!

[All fighting is kind of stopped once Korea.. comes back. HE SOUNDS FAR FROM PLEASED.]

You didn't.

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[NOPE. TAKING HULK, DUELING DRAGONS, SPIDERMAN, AND SIMPSONS. I WILL HAVE ALL THE COOL SHIT HAHAHAHA.

gdi why must my characters' goals contradict each other. If only Russia could go beat up BB. AND OW MY NOSE here have a punch to America's nose.

As soon as America stops, so does Russia. There's a dawning look of horror on his face. He refuses to accept what has just happened but it's like a train wreck he can't look away. So he's just going to mutter and curse in Russian hoping against all hope that Korea wasn't the first.]

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